The local Bureau-of-trying-to-fuck-up-my-day tried to run a sting on me the other day! Not me specifically, my bar, but I ended up being the target.
Around 6 pm, they sent a young kid in to buy a bud light. Here's the problem, sillies, this kid was about 8 feet tall with braces and freckles, looking all of 15. He walked in the door with money already in his hand, sat in the very first stool, and quickly ordered the lamest beer we have. Also, two other local bars had already called to warn us that there was a sting going around town. I asked him for his ID and he super casually told me he didn't have it, like I'd be like, "NBD bro! Here's your bud light!" Nope. In the time it took me to refuse him service, he made a break for the front door and disappeared into the early afternoon sunlight.
Killed it! Get out of here, you sneaky fuckers.
Friday, March 29, 2013
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Tabs.
At the bar, we can run a tab for you all night no matter how much or how little you drink. It's a simple little convenience for both of us; it makes our lives easier, don't you agree? Yet, night after night, people insist on running their credit card repeatedly. These aren't the people who are wary of leaving their credit card safely behind the bar with responsible professionals, these are the people who tell me sixteen times in one night, "Oh no, this is going to be it and then we're leaving. I'll just close out." NO. Just leave your tab open for pete's sake!
On Friday night, one woman ran her card three separate times in four minutes. She thought it was funny. Do you know what we have to do at 2:00am after we've shooed you out the door and sat down for the first time in eleven hours? We have to make sure that every single credit card transaction has the right tip entered into the computer, then we have to make sure that all of those credit card slips are in the correct order. Do you know how quickly those slips add up when customers insist on running their credit card for every single beer?
Oh, and as an added annoyance- I understand buying a beer and leaving the $0.50 or $0.75 change as a tip because maybe you don't have small bills or your hands are full and it's easier. Fine, it's one beer. However, when you close your tab and it is only one beer, I find it awkward and annoying to go to the trouble of writing out $0.50 on the tip line. Really? You couldn't just round up and give us a buck? I can't even explain the difference, but it's enough to induce a little rage at 2am.
On Friday night, one woman ran her card three separate times in four minutes. She thought it was funny. Do you know what we have to do at 2:00am after we've shooed you out the door and sat down for the first time in eleven hours? We have to make sure that every single credit card transaction has the right tip entered into the computer, then we have to make sure that all of those credit card slips are in the correct order. Do you know how quickly those slips add up when customers insist on running their credit card for every single beer?
Oh, and as an added annoyance- I understand buying a beer and leaving the $0.50 or $0.75 change as a tip because maybe you don't have small bills or your hands are full and it's easier. Fine, it's one beer. However, when you close your tab and it is only one beer, I find it awkward and annoying to go to the trouble of writing out $0.50 on the tip line. Really? You couldn't just round up and give us a buck? I can't even explain the difference, but it's enough to induce a little rage at 2am.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
How I'm feeling this week.
First of all- Shut the fuck up about coke vs pepsi.
We have Pepsi products. I don't like them, I understand that you don't like them, but shut the fuck up because I can't change it. That stupid ecard about "Is pepsi okay? ... Is monopoly money okay?" is one of the dumbest things I've ever seen and I can't believe how many waitresses repost it. At the very least, please don't act like I'm Hitler for forcing the wrong kind of soda on you. Here's a thought: just get a water, your body will thank you.
On a soda note, I'm hardcore judging you if your kid is young enough to need a sippy cup and you're letting them fill it with soda. WTF. I don't want to get all Jillian Michaels on you, but really wtf. Your kid has no idea what kind of choice they're making and they won't give a shit if they get something else. Do not let a teeny little kid opt for soda. WTF, for real.
And on that note, I have to be even more judgmental for a second. Last weekend I had a family come in for brunch. They were all fairly heavy but I honestly don't get judgey at surface level- who knows what their story is, and it's not my business. I did, however, start judging when the 8 year old who looked about my size got a soda for breakfast. AND THEN, her mom very proudly said, "we limit her, she's only allowed two desserts." No. Just no.
I realize this is far beyond off topic for waitressing and bartending, but holy fuck the bad choices I witness go far beyond having one too many drinks.
We have Pepsi products. I don't like them, I understand that you don't like them, but shut the fuck up because I can't change it. That stupid ecard about "Is pepsi okay? ... Is monopoly money okay?" is one of the dumbest things I've ever seen and I can't believe how many waitresses repost it. At the very least, please don't act like I'm Hitler for forcing the wrong kind of soda on you. Here's a thought: just get a water, your body will thank you.
On a soda note, I'm hardcore judging you if your kid is young enough to need a sippy cup and you're letting them fill it with soda. WTF. I don't want to get all Jillian Michaels on you, but really wtf. Your kid has no idea what kind of choice they're making and they won't give a shit if they get something else. Do not let a teeny little kid opt for soda. WTF, for real.
And on that note, I have to be even more judgmental for a second. Last weekend I had a family come in for brunch. They were all fairly heavy but I honestly don't get judgey at surface level- who knows what their story is, and it's not my business. I did, however, start judging when the 8 year old who looked about my size got a soda for breakfast. AND THEN, her mom very proudly said, "we limit her, she's only allowed two desserts." No. Just no.
I realize this is far beyond off topic for waitressing and bartending, but holy fuck the bad choices I witness go far beyond having one too many drinks.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Just don't be a jerk!
There is a middle aged couple that comes in fairly often and they are strange and kind of unpleasant but not quite negative. Just not great. They came in at like 3:30pm today, when it was broad daylight outside and bright and sunny inside the bar. Before I could even try to be friendly, the woman gruffly asked, "can you turn the lights down in here?!" To which I tried to respond, "I can't change the lights but I'll ask my manager." Except she interrupted me to tell me that she had a blinding headache and the lights needed to be turned down.
First of all, if you have a blinding headache, why would you go to a bar?
So I reiterated that I'd ask my manager and asked if they wanted drinks. The husband said, "well why don't you go see about the lights and then we'll tell you?" and in such a tone. Luckily I only had a few other customers at the bar and they were wicked friendly and fun. So I go and get my manager to fix the lights and all I can hear is the woman bitching, the entire hour+ that they were there. Oh, I also heard her make a comment about it being 4:20. So your interests are being a miserable hag and smoking pot? Lovely.
Long story short, I am willing to do most anything for a friendly customer, there is no reason to be horrible and rude!
First of all, if you have a blinding headache, why would you go to a bar?
So I reiterated that I'd ask my manager and asked if they wanted drinks. The husband said, "well why don't you go see about the lights and then we'll tell you?" and in such a tone. Luckily I only had a few other customers at the bar and they were wicked friendly and fun. So I go and get my manager to fix the lights and all I can hear is the woman bitching, the entire hour+ that they were there. Oh, I also heard her make a comment about it being 4:20. So your interests are being a miserable hag and smoking pot? Lovely.
Long story short, I am willing to do most anything for a friendly customer, there is no reason to be horrible and rude!
Friday, March 1, 2013
OJ? No-J.
We used to have a regular who would come in late at night, order an orange juice, and pound it. Then he'd go to the bathroom (secret vodka nips, anyone?). Then he'd get another OJ and pound it. He was eccentric but not bothersome.
(Part of the story I didn't know about at the time: he once came in with a huge sword and tried showing it off before he was asked to leave.)
A month or two back, he had two OJs and his credit card was declined. My coworker (R) was working alone that night and the man never paid. He came back the next week and R was working alone again, the guy asked for an OJ and R told him that he could have it if he paid for the two he already owed for. The guy went nuts, yelling and being generally inappropriate.
Then it happened again the next week.
A few weeks ago, the guy came in while I was bartending alone and I had about four people at my bar, luckily all my friends. He made a big show of asking for R, then paying for two OJs. He hollered and made a scene about how he "PAYS [HIS] TABS!" and then left.
Last night he came back and R refused to serve him anything and the guy flipped out again. I seriously spent the rest of my night worrying about this crazypants coming back with his sword! Hopefully we don't see him anymore.
(Part of the story I didn't know about at the time: he once came in with a huge sword and tried showing it off before he was asked to leave.)
A month or two back, he had two OJs and his credit card was declined. My coworker (R) was working alone that night and the man never paid. He came back the next week and R was working alone again, the guy asked for an OJ and R told him that he could have it if he paid for the two he already owed for. The guy went nuts, yelling and being generally inappropriate.
Then it happened again the next week.
A few weeks ago, the guy came in while I was bartending alone and I had about four people at my bar, luckily all my friends. He made a big show of asking for R, then paying for two OJs. He hollered and made a scene about how he "PAYS [HIS] TABS!" and then left.
Last night he came back and R refused to serve him anything and the guy flipped out again. I seriously spent the rest of my night worrying about this crazypants coming back with his sword! Hopefully we don't see him anymore.
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