What is this I don't even

I encountered a new kind of crazy last night.
Let's call it "you're a grown ass woman, you can control who you speak to" crazy.

We have a regular, Brandy Alexander, who comes in alone and drinks and talks to anyone and everyone who will listen, even if they don't seem interested. More often than not, it's us. So last night I was bartending and he was there. I did my best to just stay busy so I wouldn't get sucked in. A couple came in and sat right next to him even though there were plenty of empty stools; they even said hi like they recognized him.

The wife was on the left, husband in the middle, Brandy Alexander on the right. He obviously started talking up a storm, the husband didn't say much and kind of watched tv, but the wife leaned around her husband to engage in this conversation. I heard her saying things like, "Oh I'm so sorry to hear that!" and "You're a really good guy." in response to his (probably untrue) stories. She was an active member of the conversation. They talked for at least half an hour. Eventually, Brandy Alexander left. I walked by the couple and the woman said,

"Do you not even protect customers from other guests?!"

Huh? This is a grown ass woman. This is a woman capable of making her own decisions and clearly capable of speaking up for herself. She also had her husband there, he certainly didn't step in to end the conversation. She hadn't even given me a look of, "who the fuck is this guy? help!" like customers sometimes do. In that case, I help. 

I thought she must have been joking. I laughed a little and said, "I'm sorry, you looked like you wanted to talk to him." to which she responded, "I'm going to write online about what happened here tonight!" I walked away to tell my manager about this lunatic and she apparently continued to bitch at her husband, who then left a $0 tip on a $40-50 bill. This woman had chosen to carry on a long conversation and somehow I was to blame. What the fuck.

You are sitting at a table. That is your table. The other tables are not for you.

Piggy backing off of my last post- not only should you not take up an extra table for your children (because you obviously don't want to spend time with them) you should not take up an extra table with all of the shit you have brought to dinner or with the menus (drinks, dessert, etc) that are designated for your table. Yesterday a man moved his drink menu onto another table. Now, this isn't the worst thing that can happen in my day, but it is irritating. He was sitting at a four-top with two other men; you can fit another adult there but you cannot find a place to put the drink menu? Come on now.

Also, please fucking listen to what I have to say. Not only is it common courtesy, but it will get things done faster and easier this way. I absolutely despise the way people ignore me when I'm working. Some examples:
-I walk up to say hello and take your drink order, while I am saying, "hi, how are you?" or some variant thereof, you are obviously dying of dehydration because you interrupt me to bark a drink order in my direction.

-I walk up to say hello and take your drink order, you continue chatting with your dinner-mate and ignore me entirely. This is even better when I am trying to take your full order and you later complain that you had to wait forever to place it. No, you didn't, or you wouldn't have had to if I hadn't come and gone three times waiting for you to finish your discussion that was obviously so important.

-I say something like, "Alright I'm going to go grab you ketchup, do you need anything else at the moment?" and you say, "uhhh, ketchup" like I am an idiot bitch who wants to serve you a burger and withhold condiments.  This always makes me want to say, "yes, if you had enough respect for other people to actually listen to what I was saying, you'd know that was on the way." but instead I have to say something like, "oh of course, I'll be right back with that!"


Over all: be fucking polite, you aren't actually better than me.

Children: always a problem.

Please don't let your kids move from your table to a free table so that they can spread out a game all over the place and get out of your hair. Do you know where they go when they get out of your hair? Right into mine.

First of all, you are taking up and dirtying two separate tables. That means I am losing a table from my section, which may mean that I miss out on new guests (and their tips) if the rest of my section fills up. But of course I can't go over and ask you to move your children, because then you might get huffy and upset. Then someone has to clean both tables. That is just irritating.

Second, do you know what keeps children behaving in public? Fear of their parents. When they are at their own table they eat slower, make bigger messes, and become louder and more annoying. I'm glad you are comfortable a table away, enjoying your childless meal, but the least you could do is keep them quiet.