"I went in, I peed, I left."

If you are cut off, please don't get drinks from other people. We're watching you and it's a real pain in the ass to have to call you out in front of your friends. It's even worse if you're picking up mystery drinks from tables. Just give up, have a water, and be grateful that we're saving you from a more severe hangover than you've already earned.

The other night, a local bar closed for the season. A large group of employees came into my bar at the end of the night. One girl was shut off before she even reached a table, because she was so visibly drunk. She sat with a water and ate politely, but was overheard talking shit. Whatever, drunk people can be a little rude. A few hours later, I walked past and heard her still slurring. I was actually pretty surprised that she was still such a mess.

At some point, my boss cleaned a mess off the mirror. She thought it was water splashes, but realized it was actually a ton of our liquid hand soap.

Another hour or so later, I finished work and was having a glass of wine at the bar.  I noticed the girl drinking a beer, still looking pretty sloppy. My boss was at the other end of the bar, so I texted her, "is that girl allowed to drink now? she has a beer." Remember, these people work in a bar. You'd think they'd know better! By the time my boss got the text and came over, the girl was gone. My boss checked the bathroom and was pretty sure the girl was just peeing, but hung around to make sure she didn't come out with a beer. When the girl came out, my boss went back into the bathroom... and again, the mirror was covered in soap. The mirror was clean, then the girl was in there, then the mirror was messy. My boss went over to the girl and said, "what is your deal with our mirror?!" And the girl replied tersely, "I went in, I peed, I left." So my boss laughed at her and walked away.

Eventually another girl went in and cleaned up the mirror and apologized to my boss for her friend's behavior. How embarrassing.

Fact: Most toddlers hate restaurants. All restaurant workers hate toddlers in restaurants.

At 9pm Sunday night, two women came in with two children, each around 3 years old. They were immediately loud and asked for a table "far from anyone else." The women ordered $48 worth of food while the two children ran around half of the restaurant, bothering other customers and nearly knocking into several waitresses. I've written about this before, super fucking unsafe. The kids screamed the entire time they were there and the women were heard saying things like, "sit the fuck down" and "eat your fucking food" to these little kids. Very classy, ladies. We were waiting for them to feel embarrassed and leave, but they took their time eating. Their waitress even offered to box their food up. No, they just kept eating. And ignoring their children. In the end, they left a $2 tip on their $48 bill and a substantial mess all around their table. The table was originally supposed to be mine and I didn't want it, so I snuck $10 onto the table for the poor waitress who had to deal with them.

Dear parents/babysitters/every customer,
Be a little classier and more considerate please!