I recently had a busy lunch shift waitressing. As I was greeting a table, the woman suddenly got very huffy about something and said that she touched something sticky under the table. I immediately offered wetnaps and ran to get them. Really though, you're a grown ass lady- get up and wash your hands. I got her the wetnaps, then got them drinks, answered several questions in a helpful manner and took their order, all as usual. As I was taking the menus away she pointed to her pile of gross napkins and said, "you need to take these." with a dismissive hand gesture. Okay, great, because the table next to you looks like they need something but I'm not going over there with this in my hand. I took all of her garbage (and she never actually washed her hands!) and realized that she probably thought she was above me. I remained polite and cordial (but I didn't push being friendly on her because she wasn't having it) and their food came out quickly and accurate to their order. Things went alright, we just weren't BFFs.
They paid their bill and left quickly and I just felt it. I could feel it right away. Not only would I not get a good tip, I was guessing she left me a bitchy little note.
Their credit card tip read, "Reflects service." and under it, she repeated the exact cost of their lunch for the total. Here's the thing- fuck you. The service was adequate, polite, and professional. You just didn't like me.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Sunday, May 12, 2013
We Are Not Friends.
Lately I've had a lot of interrupters. People who just scream demands at me while I'm clearly in the midst of helping someone else. You are rude. I understand not wanting to wait more than thirty goddamned seconds for something, but really now. Come on.
The worst of these are the people who ask regulars what my name is and then proceed to scream it. Are you kidding me? You're not helping your cause, and you're pissing me off. I walk up and down the bar looking at every customer and checking on everyone as soon as I have a free second, so please do not scream my name and your demand when I'm clearly busy, if you can be the teensiest bit patient I will do my best to get to you in the next minute. Fucking relax.
The worst of these are the people who ask regulars what my name is and then proceed to scream it. Are you kidding me? You're not helping your cause, and you're pissing me off. I walk up and down the bar looking at every customer and checking on everyone as soon as I have a free second, so please do not scream my name and your demand when I'm clearly busy, if you can be the teensiest bit patient I will do my best to get to you in the next minute. Fucking relax.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Poor Dumb Idiot.
Tonight I had a couple guys come in who seemed a little stupid and maybe trashy, but harmless. I gave them each a beer and they got some food, and then someone else served them a couple of beers each. After that third round, my boss came over to me to warn me about some drunk guys at my bar.
The worse of the two tried ordering more beers and I said, "I think you guys are all set for tonight." and they seemed to handle it well, but I think they just had delayed reaction times by this point. The worse then says, "Well can we at least get our tab then?!" The thing is, we keep tabs in front of every customer at all times. When they got their very first beers, I put a tab in a little cup in front of them and told them it was their tab. Then I ordered their food, threw away their tab, printed a new one, and put that one in front of them. I turned away to put something on the shelf behind me and I hear this incredulous, "EXCUSE ME! I don't think this is my tab."
I turned around to see this dumbass looking at our wine list, which is in a leather bound book and clearly has headings like "Red Wine" and "Coffee Drinks" on each page. I couldn't slow my mouth down and spit out, "Well yeah, that's a wine list." ....And then my other customers openly laughed.
After complaining to my boss about being cut off, the other guy ended up yelling at me and making an ass of himself, proving only further that I was right to cut them off. But in the end, the wine list idiot wins as the highlight of my night and I'm not even upset that these trashy jerks caused a scene and tipped me zero dollars on their $60+ tab.
The worse of the two tried ordering more beers and I said, "I think you guys are all set for tonight." and they seemed to handle it well, but I think they just had delayed reaction times by this point. The worse then says, "Well can we at least get our tab then?!" The thing is, we keep tabs in front of every customer at all times. When they got their very first beers, I put a tab in a little cup in front of them and told them it was their tab. Then I ordered their food, threw away their tab, printed a new one, and put that one in front of them. I turned away to put something on the shelf behind me and I hear this incredulous, "EXCUSE ME! I don't think this is my tab."
I turned around to see this dumbass looking at our wine list, which is in a leather bound book and clearly has headings like "Red Wine" and "Coffee Drinks" on each page. I couldn't slow my mouth down and spit out, "Well yeah, that's a wine list." ....And then my other customers openly laughed.
After complaining to my boss about being cut off, the other guy ended up yelling at me and making an ass of himself, proving only further that I was right to cut them off. But in the end, the wine list idiot wins as the highlight of my night and I'm not even upset that these trashy jerks caused a scene and tipped me zero dollars on their $60+ tab.
Something Wonderful!
My bar recently had a fundraiser for our Relay for Life team. I asked to bartend so that I could donate all of my tips. Normally that shift can rack in about $200 in tips, but I was hoping people would tip a little extra for the charity, so I was really aiming for closer to $300.
Of course, friends and family came in and gave me some money and some regulars came to chip in, but the generosity of strangers was amazing. I worked six hours and made almost FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS!
Lately I've been loving the bar extra, and this totally clinched it.
Of course, friends and family came in and gave me some money and some regulars came to chip in, but the generosity of strangers was amazing. I worked six hours and made almost FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS!
Lately I've been loving the bar extra, and this totally clinched it.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Lions and tigers and... Bikers? Oh shit.
A few days ago we had a swarm of bikers come through town for a memorial ride. That's pretty cool, I'm all for memorial things. However, they all piled into the bar and proceeded to almost ruin my day. I spent the better part of two hours muttering, "These people are fucking animals."
First, after about half of them were in there and I had ordered all of their drinks, one guy joined the table closest to the door. He had been inside for about five seconds and hadn't even sat down yet, but apparently he was just parched. He yelled from five tables away to get my attention. That's a loud yell in the middle of a nice quiet lunch crowd.
At another table, there were two women and a man. One of the women is a regular who none of us really care for. Turns out, her friends are far worse. The other woman would not look up from her phone to order another beer or answer a single question. I ended up asking the regular things for the whole table because I just don't deal with that. Even she seemed to acknowledge how rude it was, and we always thought she didn't even know what manners are. The man at this table took to yelling come ons at my (married) hostess. He and the texter bothered her every time she walked by, yelling things like "He wants your number!" "No, she wants your number!" "No, he wants to take you home!" Charming, grown ups.
A third table had a bill of $42.75. They left me $45 total. Thanks guys!
The bar wasn't even my section that night, but I got stuck out there for the first couple hours of dinner because I was lucky enough to have to take these bikers because the other waitress wasn't there yet. I walked out after a seven hour shift with barely over $100 and I blame them. I will say, I had one couple sitting at their own table who were so lovely, they alone kept my spirits up. Thanks lovely couple, I'm glad you loved your pizza!
First, after about half of them were in there and I had ordered all of their drinks, one guy joined the table closest to the door. He had been inside for about five seconds and hadn't even sat down yet, but apparently he was just parched. He yelled from five tables away to get my attention. That's a loud yell in the middle of a nice quiet lunch crowd.
At another table, there were two women and a man. One of the women is a regular who none of us really care for. Turns out, her friends are far worse. The other woman would not look up from her phone to order another beer or answer a single question. I ended up asking the regular things for the whole table because I just don't deal with that. Even she seemed to acknowledge how rude it was, and we always thought she didn't even know what manners are. The man at this table took to yelling come ons at my (married) hostess. He and the texter bothered her every time she walked by, yelling things like "He wants your number!" "No, she wants your number!" "No, he wants to take you home!" Charming, grown ups.
A third table had a bill of $42.75. They left me $45 total. Thanks guys!
The bar wasn't even my section that night, but I got stuck out there for the first couple hours of dinner because I was lucky enough to have to take these bikers because the other waitress wasn't there yet. I walked out after a seven hour shift with barely over $100 and I blame them. I will say, I had one couple sitting at their own table who were so lovely, they alone kept my spirits up. Thanks lovely couple, I'm glad you loved your pizza!
Friday, March 29, 2013
Awkward.
The local Bureau-of-trying-to-fuck-up-my-day tried to run a sting on me the other day! Not me specifically, my bar, but I ended up being the target.
Around 6 pm, they sent a young kid in to buy a bud light. Here's the problem, sillies, this kid was about 8 feet tall with braces and freckles, looking all of 15. He walked in the door with money already in his hand, sat in the very first stool, and quickly ordered the lamest beer we have. Also, two other local bars had already called to warn us that there was a sting going around town. I asked him for his ID and he super casually told me he didn't have it, like I'd be like, "NBD bro! Here's your bud light!" Nope. In the time it took me to refuse him service, he made a break for the front door and disappeared into the early afternoon sunlight.
Killed it! Get out of here, you sneaky fuckers.
Around 6 pm, they sent a young kid in to buy a bud light. Here's the problem, sillies, this kid was about 8 feet tall with braces and freckles, looking all of 15. He walked in the door with money already in his hand, sat in the very first stool, and quickly ordered the lamest beer we have. Also, two other local bars had already called to warn us that there was a sting going around town. I asked him for his ID and he super casually told me he didn't have it, like I'd be like, "NBD bro! Here's your bud light!" Nope. In the time it took me to refuse him service, he made a break for the front door and disappeared into the early afternoon sunlight.
Killed it! Get out of here, you sneaky fuckers.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Tabs.
At the bar, we can run a tab for you all night no matter how much or how little you drink. It's a simple little convenience for both of us; it makes our lives easier, don't you agree? Yet, night after night, people insist on running their credit card repeatedly. These aren't the people who are wary of leaving their credit card safely behind the bar with responsible professionals, these are the people who tell me sixteen times in one night, "Oh no, this is going to be it and then we're leaving. I'll just close out." NO. Just leave your tab open for pete's sake!
On Friday night, one woman ran her card three separate times in four minutes. She thought it was funny. Do you know what we have to do at 2:00am after we've shooed you out the door and sat down for the first time in eleven hours? We have to make sure that every single credit card transaction has the right tip entered into the computer, then we have to make sure that all of those credit card slips are in the correct order. Do you know how quickly those slips add up when customers insist on running their credit card for every single beer?
Oh, and as an added annoyance- I understand buying a beer and leaving the $0.50 or $0.75 change as a tip because maybe you don't have small bills or your hands are full and it's easier. Fine, it's one beer. However, when you close your tab and it is only one beer, I find it awkward and annoying to go to the trouble of writing out $0.50 on the tip line. Really? You couldn't just round up and give us a buck? I can't even explain the difference, but it's enough to induce a little rage at 2am.
On Friday night, one woman ran her card three separate times in four minutes. She thought it was funny. Do you know what we have to do at 2:00am after we've shooed you out the door and sat down for the first time in eleven hours? We have to make sure that every single credit card transaction has the right tip entered into the computer, then we have to make sure that all of those credit card slips are in the correct order. Do you know how quickly those slips add up when customers insist on running their credit card for every single beer?
Oh, and as an added annoyance- I understand buying a beer and leaving the $0.50 or $0.75 change as a tip because maybe you don't have small bills or your hands are full and it's easier. Fine, it's one beer. However, when you close your tab and it is only one beer, I find it awkward and annoying to go to the trouble of writing out $0.50 on the tip line. Really? You couldn't just round up and give us a buck? I can't even explain the difference, but it's enough to induce a little rage at 2am.
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