OJ? No-J.

We used to have a regular who would come in late at night, order an orange juice, and pound it. Then he'd go to the bathroom (secret vodka nips, anyone?). Then he'd get another OJ and pound it. He was eccentric but not bothersome.

(Part of the story I didn't know about at the time: he once came in with a huge sword and tried showing it off before he was asked to leave.)

A month or two back, he had two OJs and his credit card was declined. My coworker (R) was working alone that night and the man never paid. He came back the next week and R was working alone again, the guy asked for an OJ and R told him that he could have it if he paid for the two he already owed for. The guy went nuts, yelling and being generally inappropriate.

Then it happened again the next week.

A few weeks ago, the guy came in while I was bartending alone and I had about four people at my bar, luckily all my friends. He made a big show of asking for R, then paying for two OJs. He hollered and made a scene about how he "PAYS [HIS] TABS!" and then left.

Last night he came back and R refused to serve him anything and the guy flipped out again. I seriously spent the rest of my night worrying about this crazypants coming back with his sword! Hopefully we don't see him anymore.

Good job, grownup.

My coworker refused to serve a woman the other night, and the man with her acknowledged that she didn't need to be served but asked about himself. He was also refused. The two got up and walked out and the woman gave us the two-finger salute the whole way through the bar and out the door.

Thanks for reminding us how right we were to refuse you. Good job being a productive human being, I'm sure you have a lot of good karma coming your way.

You fancy, huh?

Please don't assume that you are hot shit and we will be impressed with you just because you live in a big city.

People from out of town always act like they're friggin Matthew Broderick (...or someone more famous) walking into our little bar. In the last month or so we've had someone from ~*~*~LA~~*~* and yesterday someone from New York. They both acted like total asses, drinking like crazy and acting shocked when we slowed them down.

No, you cannot just keep putting back jameson like it's no big deal. No, you cannot order a bunch of drinks with no sign of anyone else to drink them. No, we don't give a shit who you are.

Saturday night I was sitting at the bar, being a customer, when this NY guy started chatting me up. Next thing you know, he's trying to argue with the bartender and I feel the need to step in. I politely explained exactly how and why he was a jackass and how much we love our jobs but have to follow rules. I think I ruined his flirting. I wasn't interested anyhow. Sorry, bro!

Weird.

Last night a guy in his early twenties came in and ordered a beer. I asked for his ID and it had VOID stamped into it in little holes. I said, "..I can't take this ID" and he sadly asked why. I explained that it was literally void (which I've never even heard of happening) and he was actually a little surprised somehow. He had a temporary ID, pulled out a paper ID and asked if I could take that. Sometimes we can do expired ID plus new paper copy if it's in like the one week window between hard copies, so I went to ask my boss. On my way to her, I realized the paper ID had no picture and said in plain writing that it was not any type of valid ID. Poor guy. I went back to explain that and, lucky for him, he finally pulled out his passport.

Also, never fucking ever blow a whistle inside a bar, especially while a musician is performing. Douches.

Turn offs: Red faces and bad tipping.

Sunday night I was bartending and two guys in their early 20s came in. One seemed fine, the other seemed like he'd already been drinking. I gave them one beer each and then decided that was enough, so I politely and quietly cut them off. First, the one who initially seemed fine said, "is it because we look drunk? I worked out today so my face is red." Oh, okay, does working out also make you slur your speech? All done. Then they left and I realized that one had left me no tip and the other had left a quarter.

Turns out, the $0.00 tip had a crush on the girl a few stools over and kept texting her to hang out. Also turns out, I ended up making friends with her and her friends that night. They heard me telling someone about the $0.25 tip and asked if it was those guys. The girl told the guy off and they left me a big tip to make up for the guys. Lovely, ladies!

Who made you king of a bar you've never been to?

I bartended tonight and didn't have as much luck with friendly and lovely customers as I did waitressing during lunch on Thursday.

One of our semi-regulars came in and he doesn't seem to be very self aware. At one point, he answered his phone and was having a pretty loud one-sided conversation. Suddenly, the woman next to him yells "EXCUSE ME!" at me (she consistently spoke at people, rather than to them), so I go over. She says, loud and rude as can be, "isn't there a law against this?!" I think I looked at her like she was stupid. She proceeded to say, basically to the guy but as though he wasn't there, "he is being so loud!"

Be a fucking grown up. Ask him quietly and politely to quiet down.  Causing a scene and trying to embarrass him is not only going to make him feel bad for no reason, it makes you look like a jackass.

I said, "well no, I don't think there's a law against that." to which she said, "well there should be, I'm ready to make one!" First of all, I'd sooner vote into action a law against being such a bitch. Second, I don't think you have the authority to create laws, psycho.

Something positive.

I'm going through a lot right now and work has been a nice break from real life stress, but it's also hard to keep a happy face on all the time.

Yesterday I went into work feeling pretty low and we got really busy really quickly. I ended up with 11 tables (which is generally considered a shitload) and I found myself cheering up. Every table I had was friendly, kind, and patient. Every time I checked in with them, they'd comment on how busy I looked and how well I was handling it. Many of them had way too much cash on their bills and when I offered to grab them change, they said, "it's all set, merry christmas." These people have no idea how much they helped me yesterday. Their positive attitudes felt contagious and it helped me get through a really hard day with a smile on my face.

Last week I had a really bad encounter with a well known customer. He proceeded to harass me for an hour and speak poorly of me to every customer at my bar. Luckily, they were almost all regulars who I get along with very well. After this guy left, one of my favorite regulars came over and said, "that guy is an asshole." This regular never speaks poorly of anyone and rarely swears, so it made me feel so much better. Last night the same regular came back and asked if I had any repercussions after my encounter with that asshole, then offered to speak to my boss about him on my behalf.

I may write all about crazy and rude people in here, but there is a huge spot in my heart for my awesome regulars and sweet strangers. Kind people are one of the things that keep me going at my job and I hope they know how much I appreciate them.