Who made you king of a bar you've never been to?

I bartended tonight and didn't have as much luck with friendly and lovely customers as I did waitressing during lunch on Thursday.

One of our semi-regulars came in and he doesn't seem to be very self aware. At one point, he answered his phone and was having a pretty loud one-sided conversation. Suddenly, the woman next to him yells "EXCUSE ME!" at me (she consistently spoke at people, rather than to them), so I go over. She says, loud and rude as can be, "isn't there a law against this?!" I think I looked at her like she was stupid. She proceeded to say, basically to the guy but as though he wasn't there, "he is being so loud!"

Be a fucking grown up. Ask him quietly and politely to quiet down.  Causing a scene and trying to embarrass him is not only going to make him feel bad for no reason, it makes you look like a jackass.

I said, "well no, I don't think there's a law against that." to which she said, "well there should be, I'm ready to make one!" First of all, I'd sooner vote into action a law against being such a bitch. Second, I don't think you have the authority to create laws, psycho.

Something positive.

I'm going through a lot right now and work has been a nice break from real life stress, but it's also hard to keep a happy face on all the time.

Yesterday I went into work feeling pretty low and we got really busy really quickly. I ended up with 11 tables (which is generally considered a shitload) and I found myself cheering up. Every table I had was friendly, kind, and patient. Every time I checked in with them, they'd comment on how busy I looked and how well I was handling it. Many of them had way too much cash on their bills and when I offered to grab them change, they said, "it's all set, merry christmas." These people have no idea how much they helped me yesterday. Their positive attitudes felt contagious and it helped me get through a really hard day with a smile on my face.

Last week I had a really bad encounter with a well known customer. He proceeded to harass me for an hour and speak poorly of me to every customer at my bar. Luckily, they were almost all regulars who I get along with very well. After this guy left, one of my favorite regulars came over and said, "that guy is an asshole." This regular never speaks poorly of anyone and rarely swears, so it made me feel so much better. Last night the same regular came back and asked if I had any repercussions after my encounter with that asshole, then offered to speak to my boss about him on my behalf.

I may write all about crazy and rude people in here, but there is a huge spot in my heart for my awesome regulars and sweet strangers. Kind people are one of the things that keep me going at my job and I hope they know how much I appreciate them.

Stop Bitching.

There are rules to serving alcohol. A lot of them, and they get strict. Technically, I am not supposed to even allow you to get drunk. Huh? Isn't that what bars are for? Not according to the rules, guys. I know, minds are boggled.


We don't quite get Amish-level strict about it in my bar, but we are very careful about "over serving" and very willing to shut people off when they get too wobbly. We are extra aware of this on crazy busy nights when it is clear that people may be on a mission to get drunk. On nights like these, we keep a close eye on customers and keep track of who has had what.

I refuse to serve multiple drinks to one person (though I am usually pretty strict about that anyway because our bar is also a restaurant, it is not 21+) and people never ever understand it. Someone will come up and order five shots, to which I say, "who are the other four going to?" This person will inevitably point off into the horizon and mumble. I say, "I need to see all five people please." And now this person is getting grumpy. Telling me their names, where they are, or that, "they haven't even had a drink yet!" aren't going to change anything.

Here are my reasons:
You might be ordering more than one shot for each person.
You might be ordering a shot for someone underage.
You might be ordering a shot for someone who just did a shot, which we don't serve back to back.
You might be ordering a shot for someone who is already drunk.

The night before Thanksgiving was obviously a very busy night. Among other examples, I had someone trying to buy two beers and I told him his friend couldn't have another beer yet, as he had just chugged his last one. The friend-who-couldn't-have-beer was fine with it and very polite. The friend-trying-to-buy-the-beers was pissed and aggressive. What, why? I also had someone ordering several drinks and pointing out people they were for, those people then turned around and said they didn't even want a drink, but he insisted that they did. What? I can see them.

So just stop bitching. I ask politely, it's a simple task. If you try to argue with me, you're one of several things- drunk, a douchebag, or really sketchy. You know what those get you? Shut off, motherfucker.

What the everliving fuck.

We have a strange regular who has been coming in for a month or two now, we'll call him IC. He comes in late, sits at the bar, and drinks iced coffee. He asks a lot of questions and tries to engage us in conversation. At first I thought he was lonely, so I went with it. Then i realized he is strange and creepy. Last night he hit a new peak.

He came in and sat at the bar and seemed fine. A little while later, my coworker told me IC's finger was gushing blood. He said he'd cut it on a glass or his stool, he wasn't sure which. Interesting. He ate up the attention from the other bartender, our manager, and a girl sitting next to him. He even got her to put a bandaid on it for him.

RULE NUMBER FUCKING ONE: DO NOT TOUCH A STRANGERS BLOOD.

So we're going about our business, letting the manager deal with him. After she walked away, the girl at the bar tracked her down to talk to her about IC. Apparently after it all died down, he quietly told her that he'd actually cut it on a shopping cart at walmart.

RULE NUMBER FUCKING TWO: IF YOU CUT YOURSELF ON A SHOPPING CART AT WALMART, YOU SHOULD HAVE THAT SHIT CLEANED OUT IMMEDIATELY. DO NOT STOP FOR AN ICED COFFEE AND SOME SYMPATHETIC ATTENTION.

So he cuts his finger at walmart, casually comes into the bar, and then claims it happened there. Why did he do this? Not to begin a ridiculous lawsuit. Not to get his iced coffee for free. Just for the sympathy.

WTF.

Generation... Idiots.

If you were born in 1990, do not scoff at me for checking your ID. You are an idiot and you should forgo the drink and keep your handful of brain cells viable.

You're not welcome back here, Vincent.

"It's coming out of your tip." is never ever appropriate.
Of course a server's actions and competence can affect their tip. Obviously. But do not, by any means, ever hold that over your servers head. You'll sound like a total dick.

Last night an older man and his date were at the bar and they were rude from minute one. Cut to the end of their night with us, and the man points out that the receipt that he had showed a different total than his credit card was run for. I apologized and then immediately realized that that was the receipt from before the last round of beers. It was printed an hour and ten minutes earlier than he cashed out and the difference was exactly the cost of two beers. I explained that to him and said I would get him a copy of his updated itemized receipt, to which he instantly said, "well it's coming out of your tip then."

What? What is? We did nothing wrong, he was just looking at an outdated reciept. We keep updated reciepts in front of every customer, he happened to hold onto the older one. We did nothing wrong. Douchebag Grouchypants left us no tip on a $78 tab. Fuck you, Mr Grouchypants, and good luck to you if you try to come back to my bar.

Protip: if you pay with a credit card, we will remember your name forever. :)

you're so old :(

Tonight we had a bunch of people come in after their 20th high school reunion. We gave them one round of beers before last call and they didn't bother us.  I was washing dishes and talking to someone when one of the guys (who had already tipped us $30 on a $29 tab, so I felt like I should be polite even though he was weird) called me over to "ask a question." He didn't ask a question. He said, "we were just talking politics" and I interrupted, "I don't know anything about that." He continued on, "well hypothetically, we were talking politics. and I said to [other guy] you shouldn't focus on politics right now, you should focus on this cute girl back here" before I could even catch myself, I said, "I was six when you graduated high school!"


Don't hit on the bartender unless you're sure he/she might like you. It's so fucking awkward.