You have got to be kidding me.

I bartended last night (and the night before. $460 in two days? yes please!!) and all of our regulars came out. It was nice, most of them are lovely! However, one particular regular is kind of known for being creepy, but I've never seen him get unruly.

• Once upon a time, he dated a friend of mine. She cites him as the, "worst, lowest, most shameful phase of [her] life." and that is including a serious drug addiction.
• Another friend of mine was barbacking one night and Creepshow tried to give her $5. She explained that she was a barback and they don't get tipped. He told her it was, "for the view." You see, a few minutes earlier she had bent over at the other end of the bar, unaware that he was staring intently all along.
• HE JUST LOOKS SLIMY AS FUCK.

So last night he came in and I tried to be polite. During his first beer, I had to stand at a beer tap near him and try to put a tube over it. The tube wasn't fitting well so I was fidgeting with it, when suddenly Creepshow leaned around the tap tower and quietly said, "You might want to rub it and spit on it."

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

I'm no prude and I'm not easily shaken, but I could have thrown up. I went to my manager to tell her what he had said and I told her I wasn't dealing with him anymore. Luckily, I was bar tending with a guy so I told him the same and he offered to deal with him.  I have no idea how I will handle Creepshow next week.

Ten cents doesn't matter.

We have a number of regulars. A few are amazing and honestly, I get excited when they come in. The rest... not so exciting.

Today one of 'the rest' came in with a friend for lunch. I try to be polite to her but she is just generally unpleasant. I also know that she never tips well, which doesn't help how I feel when I deal with her. They were closing out their tab and while I was literally standing a foot away, they had this conversation:

Friend: I'll get this.
Regular: Okay, what is the tip?
(I tried not to listen because I knew this would all be awkward anyway)
Regular (as she counts out a couple of dollars in change): And if I pick up that dime off the ground, we're all set!

AND SHE WAS SERIOUS.

Sorry, Tom.

Sometimes customers take a liking to us. They flirt, leave better tips, and sometimes give you their phone numbers. I've gotten a few myself and between all the girls at work, I've seen several different deliveries. However, most of the time it is just left, written on the receipt, with a name. It happened to me yesterday. Two guys- one was handsome and carried himself well, the other wasn't even very polite. After they were gone, there was a number for Tom on the back of the bottom copy of the receipt.

Here's the problem- you rarely have an entire table full of attractive customers. If you have 2-5 guys at a table and you find a number after they are gone, how should you handle that? Maybe you even really liked one of them, but there's no way to know which one liked you. Do us a favor, guys, at least leave the receipt in front of the seat you were in. Maybe even draw an arrow or a picture of yourself. We'd love it, because it's sad to let a good guy get away, but it's more sad to awkwardly get out of a phone call with someone you have no interest in.

So, I'm sorry Tom. For one, I have a boyfriend (who started out as a cute customer!) but even if I didn't, I have no idea which guy you were and I don't think I could bring myself to call and ask if you were the handsome and polite guy or his awkward friend.

It's not an accident.

We have a very unpleasant regular at the bar. It's not that he's the most rude or the most needy, he is just completely creepy. He comes in after drinking at other places all night and tries to buy shots, he creeps on girls as soon as they are left alone by their friends/boyfriends, he kissed me very close to my mouth (1. I did not invite, nor did i want that. 2. it was in front of my boyfriend), and I'm 99% sure he made a video of me while I was bar tending once. He is just yucky all around and I prefer not to interact with him.

Last night he parked himself at the bar next to a regular that I really quite like. Actually, he's dating a coworker, so we are pretty friendly. After Unpleasant left, the good regular told me that Unpleasant had said, "You know, sometimes she is pretty bitchy to me." And do you know what we both said at the same time? "Well that's on purpose."

I don't go so far as to be unprofessional or outright rude to Unpleasant, but when he yells my name from across the bar I continue with what I'm doing before I get him yet another Coors Light. When he tries to take pictures of me, I tell him that I would rather he not do that.  When he creeps on girls, I don't tell them how wonderful and lovely he is- because he just isn't.

Unpleasant customers can really wear on you, so I am more and more grateful all the time for some of our amazing regulars. We have some very lovely older guys who all come in alone and have become the cutest little group of friends.

Something a little different.

Now, I know I spend an awful lot of time criticizing customer behavior in here, so let's turn the tables a little.

At work, we make strawberry daiquiris by mixing rum, ice, and daiquiri mix in the blender.  Last night a waitress needed a raspberry daiquiri, so I added a little black raspberry schnapps.  Later on, they asked for another one. The other bartender went to make it and asked what I did, so I told her that I added the black raspberry.

A little while later, I walked through the dining room and the waitress rushed a weird gray looking ice chippy drink over to me and she was like, "she said this is the worst thing she's ever had, can you make a new one?" Weird, because I told the other bartender exactly what I'd done.

She noticed me toss the drink she made and start over and she kept an eye out, trying to see what she did wrong. Suddenly I heard, "Ohh, you added daiquiri mix?!" What? She had made some sort of booze smoothie; rum, black raspberry schnapps, and ice. What part of that sounds delicious? What part of that has the word daiquiri in it? Nice.

Something a little nicer

This morning an elderly couple came into the restaurant. The husband stopped me on his way to the table to ask if he needed to pay the meter. It was raining and he moved slowly so I offered to run out and pay it for him. He gave me a couple of quarters and it only took me a minute. When I came back in, he gave me a hug and two more quarters, "for my pocket." He was in the bathroom while I asked his wife what they wanted to drink, and when I brought his coffee over he said, "I didn't know you were our girl. I'm glad to know you." and it was awesome.

It made my whole day nicer.

Bummer.

Dear traveling Canadian customers,
If you are going to ask me what I make ($2.63/hr) and act shocked that i survive off of it, please tip appropriately; $3.50 (on a $39.50 bill) doesn't go very far.

Love,
The waitress who had to listen to your husband's awkward jokes and stay on an extra 45 minutes for you.